It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
