I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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