i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
