apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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