youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
