I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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