youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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