It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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