I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
