he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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