Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
