I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
