well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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