It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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