im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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