he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
