hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
