i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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