Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's always time for handjobs
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
