Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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