I hate all girls vehemently.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't put those talents on a resume
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
