if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
