So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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