alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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