Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
