im having a threesome with these popsicles
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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