its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
