and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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