when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Pooping to opera.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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