I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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