and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
