Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
