Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We had to coat check the pizza.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
