I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
