wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
