"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
