haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
