Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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