Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
