Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
