Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
