Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
