Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
