I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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