Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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