Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
