the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
