hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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