Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
