I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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