Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
